JOURNAL ENTRY #1

And so it begins...

Day #1 of my Squid infestation.

I was awakened in the middle of the night to discover an unsettling scene in my kitchen. Apparently my new house guests - The Squid (whom I adopted from Gesine Kratzner) - have consumed the full extent of my favorite sake.

 

This behavior is not okay, nor is it a joyful way to begin our relationship!

JOURNAL ENTRY #2

Day #2 with my new house guests.

They have found my secret chocolate stash and devoured or slimed the entirety of it!

With tears in my eyes, I reflect upon my affinity for the rich cocoa pieces I brought home from afar, with the intent to age to perfection and enjoy...

I am starting to wonder if Gesine Kratzner is aware of the extent at which her creatures are capable of causing such damage...

 

Please feel free to contact her on my behalf - www.gesinekratzner.com

JOURNAL ENTRY #3

Day #3 of the Squid infestation...

Tonight I discovered that my new house guests are captivated with fire, as if moths drawn to the flame. They continuously light my candles and stare at them incessantly.

I fear sleep will come with great trepidation tonight...

Please wish me well!

JOURNAL ENTRY #4

Day #4 of my shocking Squid infestation...

My concern pinnacled tonight when I heard a ruckus in the kitchen!

 

It appears that my new house guests have discovered the garbage disposal and tempted fate to retrieve the remains of an old banana for consumption.

I will also assume that this is a metaphor for what might become of me, should I cross them.

 

Gulp!

JOURNAL ENTRY #5

Day #5 of my Squid infestation... Part 1

A pair of drifters showed-up tonight in response to my advertisement for help to curb my Squid infestation. I admit that I cast serious doubt upon their resumes and references.

The purple monster is absent arms, yet makes claim to possessing "Kung-Fu and other extreme martial arts skills".

The Flounder appears highly suspicious and refuses to look me in the eyes...

Please expect a full status report very soon!

JOURNAL ENTRY #6

Day #5 of my Squid infestation... Part 2

Tensions ran thick on my kitchen counter tonight!

Threatening glances were exchanged when the Squid and my hired freelancers met face-to-face for the first time. I suspect these dangerous gangs have tangled fists prior and I now feel justifiably uncomfortable washing dishes in their proximity.

I think it wise to sleep with my bedroom door closed and locked tonight!

Please check on my welfare in the morning... :|

JOURNAL ENTRY #7

Day #6 of my Squid infestation... PART 1

My morning began with a shocking revelation when I discovered that the Flounder has been contained under glass, and the martial arts monster is nowhere to be found.

This cannot be good...

JOURNAL ENTRY #8

Day #6 of my Squid infestation... PART 2

Upon closer inspection, I discovered this terrifying message!

 

The disappearance of the purple monster is no longer in question... :(

The emphasis placed upon the exclamation point, suspiciously derived from a screw and a peanut, has solidified my feeling that I may have gone too far when I recruited the extra muscle. Believe me! The Squid's message has been received.

I am now contemplating whether I shall concede my house to these unwelcome guests, or bring in the heavy artillery.

Please wish me luck!

JOURNAL ENTRY #9

Day #7 of the Squid infestation-invasion...

Today as I was departing for work I made this startling discovery in my dining room!

Although I do not appreciate the generous use of my powdered sugar or potato chips for sleds, I am relieved to find that some holiday joy abounds and tension with the Squid are subdued...for now. Even the grumpy one appears to be enjoying himself, or herself?

I'm not sure what to expect when I return from work tonight, but I will be implementing a plan to monitor their activities from afar and recruit a new security force on my behalf.

Wish me luck!

JOURNAL ENTRY #10

Day #8 of my Squid infestation... Part 1

My concern is heightened tonight after the unexpected arrival of the band "Sea Punk".

Unfortunately, the Squid have invited the band to stay for a few days and get wasted...

 

I now feel trapped in my own home. :(

JOURNAL ENTRY #11

Day #8 of my Squid infestation... Part 2

Tonight has been the most concerning thus far with my unwanted house guests. Sea Punk and The Squid have been consuming my favorite booze all afternoon and their explicit music has already raised one complaint from the neighbors.

The Clam is an instigator and hellion. I cannot rationalize with him because he has no brain.

 

The Seahorse lacks all obvious connection to reality...

Please advise!

JOURNAL ENTRY #12

Day #9 of my Squid infestation... Part 1

Thankfully, Sea Punk went back on tour this morning and the Squid are sleeping in. This has given me the opportunity to conceal the vodka, clean my home and repair my fractured neighborly relationships.

Tonight I will see if I can win over the Squid with a pleasant holiday dinner.

 

What could possibly go wrong with that?

JOURNAL ENTRY #13

Day #9 of my Squid infestation... Part 2

Today I held a reserved sense of peace with my devious house guests. I have prepared a delicious holiday meal and chosen to bury the ax with the Squid, in lieu of a quiet evening unencumbered by their substellar behavior.

Although I hold great doubt that this ceasefire will sustain, I am moderately appreciative of sharing a meal, considering I have no family of my own in close proximity.

Cheers!

JOURNAL ENTRY #14

Day #9 of my Squid infestation... Part 3

Please forgive me for sending my holiday pleasantries prematurely!

I have made an epic blunder by preparing a tasty seafood soup with calamari and crab salad for our treaty dinner. In riposte, I was sternly reprimanded for making a "cannibalistic stew" and harsh words were exchanged.

In protest, the Squid threw a fit and proceeded to act-out a detailed sacrificial performance to poignantly inflict a sense of guilt and carelessness on my part. I am reserved to say that I failed to consider this reaction prior...

Understandably, tensions have reached a fervor and I am motivated to take my own protection to the next level.

Please wish me luck!

JOURNAL ENTRY #15

Day #10 of my squid infestation...

On New Years eve the Squid overindulged, so I took the upper hand and recruited a trio of dangerous outlaws called Los Tres Banditos. They come highly recommended as the best means to get a genuine infestation under control.

I must say - the Squid have shown signs of trepidation upon the arrival of my new security force. I am hopeful this is a bona fide turn of events in my favor.

Fingers are crossed!

JOURNAL ENTRY #16

Although much time has passed, I have resurfaced from seclusion to update you on the status of my squid infestation. This dire scenario began after I adopted three facetious squid from Gesine Kratzner several years back.

 

As you can surmise from the detailed journal entries I have posted prior, my home was overrun by terrible house guests and I was eventually forced into retreat.

 

I must apologize for my unexplained departure, but conflict with the squid unfolded rapidly, which caused me to escape under the cover of night in order to protect my health and welfare.

Just last night I returned home alive and well to find that my invasive guests are still occupying my abode and the stench of old fish and crab is overwhelming.

 

My wherewithal to overcome this battle is renewed and I am committed to restoring control of my house. Over the coming days and weeks I will keep you abreast as this trepidatious scenario unfolds.

Please reach out and let me know that you're following along, as I will require emotional support in this strenuous undertaking. I can never predict what these creatures may do when pressed to behave and you may be my lifeline when tensions pinnacle.

Okay... I am about to reengage with my Bad House Guests. Please wish me luck!

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Copyright 2020 Clark James

Tel: 805.895.0940

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